Forty Rules of love
Elif Shafak
Rule 1
How we see
God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind
mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside
us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.
Rule 2
The path to
the Truth is a labour of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your
primary guide! Not your mind. Meet, challenge and ultimately prevail over your
nafs with your heart. Knowing your ego will lead you to the knowledge of God.
Rule 3
You can
study God through everything and everyone in the universe, because God is not
confined in a mosque, synagogue or church. But if you are still in need of
knowing where exactly His abode is, there is only one place to look for him: in
the heart of a true lover.
Rule 4
Intellect
and love are made of different materials. Intellect ties people in knots and
risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect
is always cautious and advices, ‘Beware too much ecstasy’, whereas love says,
‘Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!’ Intellect does not easily break down,
whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden
among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures.
Rule 5
Most of
problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple
misunderstanding. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the
zone of love, language, as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be
put into words can only be grasped through silence.
Rule 6
Loneliness
and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to
delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is
better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually
it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in
another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God
within you.
Rule 7
Whatever
happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter
the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open
up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is
well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all
that he has been denied.
Rule 8
Patience
does not mean to passively endure. It means to look at the end of a process.
What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to
look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be shortsighted as to
not be able to see the outcome. The lovers never run out of patience, for they
know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.
Rule 9
East, west,
south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just
be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll
travel the whole wide world and beyond.
Rule 10
The midwife
knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the
mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is
necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love
can only be perfected in pain.
Rule 11
The quest
for love changes user. There is no seeker among those who search for love who
has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to
change within and without.
Rule 12
There are
more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in
the visible universe. Don’t confuse power-driven, self-centered people with
true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to
himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration
from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self.
True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the light of God pass
through them.
Rule 13
Try not to
resist the changes, which come your way. Instead let life live through you. And
do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the
side you are used to is better than the one to come?
Rule 14
God is busy
with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully
occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but
inexorably moving toward perfection. We are each an unfinished work of art both
waiting and striving to be completed. God deals with each of us separately
because humanity is fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is
equally important for the entire picture.
Rule 15
It’s easy to
love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more
difficult is to love fellow human being with all their imperfections and
defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no
wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither
truly love nor truly know God.
Rule 16
Real faith
is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. There is only one type of dirt
that cannot be cleansed with pure water, and that is the stain of hatred and
bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and
fasting, but only love will purify your heart.
Rule 17
The whole
universe is contained within a single human being-you. Everything that you see
around, including the things that you might not be fond of and even the people
you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do
not look for Sheitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary
force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within. If you set to
know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness.
Rule 18
If you want
to change the ways others treat you, you should first change the way you treat
yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you
achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might
throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.
Rule 19
Fret not
where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That is
the hardest part and that is what you are responsible for. Once you take that
step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Don’t
go with the flow. Be the flow.
Rule 20
We were all
created in His image, and yet we were each created different and unique. No two
people are alike. No hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone
to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences
and imposing your thoughts on others is an amount to disrespecting God’s holy
scheme.
Rule 21
When a true
lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but
when a wine bibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In
everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer
appearance. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are.
When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed instead opens a third
eye – the eye that sees the inner realm.
Rule 22
Life is a
temporary loan and this world is nothing but a sketchy imitation of Reality.
Only children would mistake a toy for the real thing. And yet human beings
either become infatuated with the toy or disrespectfully break it and throw it
aside. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will
destroy your inner balance. Sufis do not go to extremes. A Sufi always remains
mild and moderate.
Rule 23
The human
being has a unique place among God’s creation. “I breathed into him of My
Spirit,” God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be
God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a
delegate, if you ever do so? Remember, it fells upon each of us to discover the
divine spirit inside and live by it.
Rule 24
Hell is in
the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about
heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in
love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone we tumble
straight into the fires of hell.
Rule 25
Each and
every reader comprehends the Holy Qur’an on a different level of tandem with
the depth of his understanding. There are four levels of insight. The first
level is the outer meaning and it is the one that the majority of the people
are content with. Next is the Batin – the inner level. Third, there is the
inner of the inner. And the fourth level is so deep it cannot be put into words
and is therefore bound to remain indescribable.
Rule 26
The universe
is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible
web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent
conversation. Do no harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossip behind
anyone’s back – not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out
of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space and
they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One
man’s joy will make everyone smile.
Rule 27
Whatever you
speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is
someone who harbours ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about
him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of
malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things
about that person. Everything will be different at the end of 40 days, because
you will be different inside.
Rule 28
The past is
an interpretation. The future is on illusion. The world does not more through
time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future.
Instead time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not
mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal
illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within
the present moment.
Rule 29
Destiny
doesn’t mean that your life has been strictly predetermined. Therefore, to live
everything to the fate and to not actively contribute to the music of the
universe is a sign of sheer ignorance. The music of the universe is all
pervading and it is composed on 40 different levels. Your destiny is the level
where you play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to
play is entirely in your hands.
Rule 30
The true
Sufi is such that even when he is unjustly accused, attacked and condemned from
all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a sing bad word about any of his
critics. A Sufi never apportions blame. How can there be opponents or rivals or
even “others” when there is no “self” in the first place? How can there be
anyone to blame when there is only One?
Rule 31
If you want
to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be
rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness,
accident, loss or fright, one way or another, we are all faced with incidents
that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental and more compassionate
and generous. Yet some of us learn the lesson and manage to become milder,
while some others end up becoming even harsher than before…
Rule 32
Nothing
should stand between you and God. No imams, priests, rabbits or any other custodians
of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters and not even your
faith. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others.
If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform
is no good. Stay away from all sorts of idolatry, for they will blur your
vision. Let God and only God be your guide. Learn the Truth, my friend, but be
careful not to make a fetish out of your truths.
Rule 33
While
everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to
leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness.
Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different from
a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us
straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the
consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.
Rule 34
Submission
does not mean being weak or passive. It leads to neither fatalism nor
capitulation. Just the opposite. True power resides in submission a power that
comes within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in
unperturbed tranquillity and peace even the whole wide world goes through
turbulence after turbulence.
Rule 35
In this
world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but
blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each
and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the unbeliever
residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in
him. Until the day one reaches the stage of Insane-I Kamil, the perfect human
being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming
opposite: disbelief.
Rule 36
This world
is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a
speck of evil will remain unreciprocated. For not the plots, deceptions, or
tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap, remember, so is God. He
is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply
and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, He does it beautifully.
Rule 37
God is a
meticulous dock maker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens
in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone
without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love
and a time to die.
Rule 38
It is never
too late to ask yourself, “Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I
ready to change within?” Even if a single day in your life is the same as the
day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with each new breath, one
should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one-way to be born into a
new life: to die before death.
Rule 39
While the
part change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs
this world, a new one is born. And every descent person who passes away is
replaced by a new one. In this way not only does nothing remain the same but
also nothing ever really changes. For every Sufi who dies, another is born
somewhere.
Rule 40
A life
without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should
seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions
only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it
is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire!
The universe turns differently when fire loves water.